Our boys are 15 months, 1 week, and 1 day apart. That is only 403 days! If you have children very close together, then you will completely appreciate this post.
Terrible two’s are like a mini preview of the horror that is coming soon. The two’s are easy, compared to the next phases. I’m sorry if you might be in this stage right now and are thinking it’s only going to get easier, because I’m here with a spoiler alert, to tell you it’s not. Sorry! When my boys were two, they were sweet, very curious, and the worst word they said was poop. Enjoy the two’s because what’s next is really going to test you.
Because the word terrible was already used for the two’s (not sure who came up with that, but that was dumb) I call it the treacherous three’s. Ohhhh, this is a whole new level. Their vocabulary has expanded so much. Now with poop also comes “you’re a poopy head” and “fuck”, yes fuck. You will hear the F-bomb fly at the most inappropriate/embarrassing times. It will usually end with you, doing the parent walk of shame!
Along with their new love for bad words, they have also learned how to throw real tantrums. Not just the little crying spurts like when they were two, NOoooo, these are full blown kicking, yelling, screaming, flailing, looks like your child is possessed tantrums! The kind that you so stupidly said (BK= before kids) “MY CHILD WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO ACT THAT WAY!” Dumb I tell you, dumb is what we were BK!
So while I’m whining and complaining to other mom and dad friends about how crazy the boys are, I am often reassured, “it’s gets easier!” Lies! It’s all lies! Do not believe anyone that tells you this! Now with an almost three year old (10/22 birthday) and a four year old, life hasn’t been more crazy! They are wild! When I say wild, I mean they literally swing from the curtains wild. They flip over the sofa like guys in a frat house wild. The tantrums have now escalated to the point that, I think if our neighbors didn’t know us so well, I would have many visit from the local police. They scream at the very top of their lungs, They pitch fits over not getting a cup of chocolate milk in less than 2 seconds. My parenting skills are really only, bribery, lies, trickery, and constant negotiation. In which, I’m only winning about 20% of the time.
Please know, I am accepting applications for mom friends who just need to compare and try to one up each other on how awful their kids were that day.
Must like alcohol, have a great sense of humor, enjoy sarcasm, and be able to admit your kids can be assholes!
My husband said he knew and understood why I’m at my breaking point come 5pm. I said, “really… You really think you understand? Did anyone deliberately pee on you today?” It is a very good thing God made them cute! #MOMSTRONG