Addiction is painful.
Addiction is maddening.
Addiction is scary.
Addiction is feeling hopeless.
Addiction is dirty.
Addiction is shameful.
Addiction is torture.
Addiction is ugly.
Addiction is life altering.
Addiction is a lack of accountability.
Addiction is devastating.
Addiction destroys families.
Addiction effects the entire family !
My heart has been shattered into a million pieces because of other people’s addiction. Addiction doesn’t only effect one person, and is not a victimless crime. It tears families apart.
Addiction has stolen a person I once knew. She is still alive (thank the Lord), but not who she once was.
This one person has caused such turmoil and has been destroying our family. On purpose, no, but her addiction has changed who she is to the core. Her values, priorities, and needs have changed. Now stealing from people she loves, and strangers alike. A personality far from the sweet, quiet, caring one we once knew. I know this is not the life she wants. I know she wants the love and support from her family all while pushing us as far away as possible, so we won’t see just how bad things are. The denial is so strong, she might even believe her own lies at this point.
I know she loves her children but can’t show them that right now because her priorities are finding more drugs, not to get “high” but just to feel “normal”.
There are the enablers and the others that show tough love. I have been on the tough love path, which has not worked. The enablers love her too, but are not doing what she needs. Instead putting one foot in the grave.
I can’t ever seem to be able to face her, to tell her all the things I’m feeling. So here is my letter to her:
I love you, I have always loved you. Since the day you were brought into this world.
Things have never been easy for you, not just now, but all of your childhood too.
You deserved more! However this doesn’t mean you are entitled to more. Many of us didn’t have it easy, that’s no excuse!
Once an adult, you make choices. Good choices or bad ones. You and no one but you, is responsible for your actions and the consequences.
Please stop pointing fingers at everyone else and start seeing what you are doing. Take responsibility and start changing. Take the big, scary steps that need to be taken to get your life back.
You need to want this more than anything you’ve ever wanted. You need to be stronger and fight harder than you have ever fought. This is your fight and only you can do this, but I know you can if you really try hard and stop making excuses!
Please I’m begging you to please make this your “rock bottom” and now start clawing your way back to the top. This will be your toughest fight! A fight that ultimately may mean life or death.
You need this, your children need this. Your children have already seen and heard too much. Things that they are now carrying with them. Things that can’t be unseen or unheard. Damaging, heartbreaking things. Please make them your “why” so you will fight for this.
I can’t hold your hand or tell you everything is going to be okay, because unless you change, it’s not going to be okay. You, the real you, have been “misplaced” but it isn’t too late to find and get back to the real you, but it’s up to you and no one else.
I hope you read this, and know that I’m praying for you and wishing for the day I can welcome you back with open arms and an open heart.
I do not want to be writing something or speaking at your funeral. This is it, the time is now. I beg you to do what needs to be done!
I love you!