So you have had your first baby. Congratulations!
Here are a few things I realized after having my first. Things many people will not talk about.
When every other mom I knew seemed like this…
I felt like this…
Are you feeling a little stuck/trapped? I remember feeling like it seemed like such a huge ordeal to leave the house. So much so, I hardly ever did. The packing, changing (that goes for both you and the baby), worrying that the baby will need to eat the second we hit the road… For me, it was stressful, and seemed to be just too overwhelming. Therefore I ended up waiting, hoping, that someone might come by for a visit, or even to bring me lunch or an iced coffee. You might feel stuck for a while, but don’t stress too much about it because eventually you will get the hang of it.
You might feel jealous/envious that your significant other gets to go to work. Yes, “gets to go to work”, sounds silly, but that is exactly how you might feel. Life changes drastically for moms, but dads still seem to pretty much go about their days as they had before. I remember feeling like my husband was so lucky he could just take off and go to work every day. I started to resent him. He was lucky! He would talk to adults all day, be able to go anywhere at any time without all of the baggage. He also avoided the crying and the neverending baby’s needs. If you are feeling this way, just know you are not alone.
Not as exciting as you thought it was going to be. All of the pre-baby shenanigans had you in a whirlwind. Then the baby arrives, and it’s nothing but eating, sleeping, crying and pooping, over and over again. The daily routine gets pretty mundane, very quickly. I know many people just LOVE the infant stage, I however did not. I mean it’s great when you get to hold someone else’s newborn and then go about your day, but when it’s just the two of you all day just staring at one another, it gets BORING! This too will pass. As your infant starts growing into a baby, you will start to enjoy the time more. As baby laughs, smiles, and does the most adorable things, you will start to look forward to special moments. I’m sorry to say, this usually takes about 4-5 months to get there.
Not everyone will be ga-ga over your baby as you thought they would. Friends and relatives alike, will shock you and even hurt your feelings for not seeming to be interested in your bundle of joy. I wish I could say these people will make more of an effort at some point, but that has not been my experience. It still amazes me (and hurts) that the people I thought would really know and love my boys, don’t know them at all. Probably only been in their company a handful of times. TRY to not let this bother you. Focus more on the people who are there and do want to be around your child. Cherish those people.
Do you ever feel like you have no idea what the hell you are doing? Or what you are doing is all wrong? Then you are completely normal. This mommy-ing this is hard AF! You will do some things “wrong”, but you will do many more things amazing! Do NOT be so hard on yourself! Do not compare yourself to other moms, especially the “perfect” ones on Facebook and Instagram. They are not telling their whole story! We all have bad days. The days turning into nights are exhausting. Some days crying (your crying, not the baby’s) seems to be the only easy thing you’ve done all day. Cut yourself some slack, you are doing way better than you think you are! We are way too hard on ourselves and do not give ourselves enough credit. Remind yourself every day of at least one good/happy moment you had.
I hope with this post I have made some of the feelings you might be having feel valid. This is a tough transition and it is okay to say, it’s not easy. These feelings and thoughts are more common than you may realize. I wish more moms would say just how hard it can be! There is NO shame in that. Find moments to take time for you. Things do get easier! Wishing you all the best!