You are not bonding or love this baby the way you should be.
This is so untrue! Yes in most case you have carried this baby for 40 weeks (unless premature). You feel pressure from everyone that the moment you lay eyes upon your bundle of joy there is an immediate bond. In your heart you know you love this baby, but it feels weird. Well that’s because you just met. This is a completely different kind of love than you have ever experienced. You thought it would feel bigger, or more intense. Then you might feel guilty because those aren’t the feelings you are having. It is ingrained in us that as soon as we hear that first cry after delivery all is just bliss. It isn’t and that’s ok. Do not beat yourself up over this. Sometimes it takes a little time to warm up to one another. After all, this is all new, for both of you. Don’t feel guilty about feeling a little disconnected, or not feeling the way everyone has told you, you were going to. This is normal, and I promise for 99% of you, it will develop naturally over time, and will be your greatest love of all.
You can’t seem to do anything right.
You can’t remember how long ago the baby ate. Did she poop today? I’m doing something wrong because she cries, a lot? You forgot an appointment you had. Your friends and family are upset because you forgot (or really just didn’t feel like) to call them back. You know you should make dinner, but just can’t get the energy to do so. You can not seem to be able to focus or concentrate. You cry, and cry, and cry, and cry some more.
The people close to you make you miserable.
It seems every bit of advice or stories from someone who’s child is now 30 years old will get on your very last nerve. They are trying to help, but nothing helps. Your patience are very thin and just one wrong word can put you in a tailspin (more crying). For me, I remember thinking rather than giving me all of this advice that doesn’t seem to be working… Why don’t you just take this baby for a while and let me have some peace. No one ever offered that though. This too is just your PPD/hormones lying to you. These people are well meaning and helpful people. Some point you will see it more clearly but for now, just limit your time with these people. You might have some explaining to do, but it is better than apologizing later for going postal on them.
You don’t want to be married or in your relationship anymore
I think when I was going through PPD I must have said I wanted a divorce 50 times (or more). I believed it to my core. I still to this day, will not fully let my husband off the hook, because he could have done some things better than he was, that is for sure. However I would have to imagine living with me wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows. You will fight. You will fight over what my counselor once called “A division of household duties” aka- the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, grocery shopping… You will fight over who has had the least amount of sleep. You will fight over bath time, feeding times, and diaper changes. I experienced huge resentment in the fact that he got to leave for work every day and carry on like normal, and I was STUCK home.
All I can say is, this too shall pass!
Your baby would be better off without you.
I felt since I couldn’t seem to do anything right, couldn’t remember what time the baby was due for feedings, and I all did was cringe at the idea of having to take of a baby another day, my baby would be better with someone else. Someone who wasn’t crying all of the time. Someone who wouldn’t tell a stranger they could have her baby after commenting how cute he was. I was kidding of course (well kind of). Someone would never drive down the road with the baby not buckled into the car seat (big oooops that day). Someone who would just be a better mom than me. Again the guilt kicks in. You think of what an awful job you are doing and someone out there could be doing it so much better. The bright side to this is, when you have overcome PPD, you will understand every mom makes mistakes. That you were trying your hardest, and just thinking the baby deserved better means you do already love him and are putting him first. Secondly, your baby will never remember any of this!
You will always feel this way and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
At the time I was suffering, the days seem to feel like an eternity and so did the nights. Just one miserable hour after another, after another, with no end in sight. It took me a while to be able to get the help I needed. At first I don’t think my OBGYN knew how badly I was suffering, despite my 3 desperate phone calls to her office. My husband knew how badly I felt but didn’t know how he could help. I finally was accepted into a daytime program for mothers with PPD and anxiety. I went to counseling, once a week, which would have never been enough to make things better for me. I chose to speak with my primary care physician about going on medication. This was necessary for me. I wanted the help so desperately, I completely hated who I was and how I felt every day! With each step I made towards getting help, the more confidence I got that I would be able to be “normal” again. Some people don’t really understand or believe in PPD. However there are many experts that can help. Don’t be afraid of what others will think or the shame that comes with PPD. Go seek help, it is out there and you can get back to you!
You are not a good mother!
The is the biggest lie PPD tells you!
Maybe becoming a mother wasn’t such a good idea.
I just don’t want to do this anymore.
My baby hates me!
This is 100% bullshit! You are a good mom who is dealing with hormones and a chemical imbalance in your brain. You are also sleep deprived, and probably haven’t eaten a meal in so long you can’t remember. Once you start getting help to level off your hormones and brain chemistry you will understand, these feeling were not your fault, nor your true feelings. You will begin to let go of the guilt and understand being a mom is a tough job for everyone, even the moms who would never admit it. Feeling better doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen with help. Don’t be afraid to ask/beg for it. The sooner you start the sooner you will get back to feeling like you again. Then, believe me, you will even start to enjoy being a mom.
Please if you know anyone (or yourself) who might be suffering from PPD please reach out. Reach out to their doctor, OBGYN, the hospital where they gave birth, or even feel free to contact me personally and I will help point you in the right direction. Don’t suffer anymore!