Wicked Weekend

*** WARNING: This post will contain explicit language***

What a freaking weekend!  These 2 boys are going to be the death of me.  Everyone said, “Oh you should have two close together, it’s better” they said.  “They will be each other’s best friend” they said.  “Two will be easier than just one” they said.  “It will get easier as they get older” they said.  Well right now “they” can go screw themselves…

It all started on Friday morning at 9am.  I am sitting at work and my husband calls me to tell me I need to leave work ASAP and meet him at our pediatrician’s office.  Why you ask… Well because Travis is going to need stitches in his head!  Well this is our first time with the little guys needing stitches (surprisingly).  So I immediately leave work and get to the doctor’s office.

I see Travis, he seems to be acting fine (now, after screaming bloody murder at home I guess).  I ask him what happened.  He tells me (and the nurse, and the doctor, and his teachers at school) “I was saying bad words and I fell while I was running away from Mama (his grandmother) and got a boo boo on my head.”14938287_10209586529013555_1038107571344194584_n

So now I can already see in my head how this played out…(laughing in my head).  He is saying Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, in front of his grandmother and she is probably telling him, “you better come here, and if you don’t stop saying that word, I am going to put soap in your mouth.”  Travis, the little shit that he is, is probably tormenting her, and keeps saying it.  Then trying to escape he trips over backwards and hits his head on our stone fireplace/chimney.  All I can say is KARMA kid… Everyone tells him, he got his boo boo because he shouldn’t be saying those bad words, which he knows, very well, but continues just to push everyone’s buttons.

In case if you have no experience in 3 year olds getting stitches, it is as awful as one might think!  He was bound in a blanket and I basically had to lay on him to restrain him.  He cried and scream so much he broke a ton of blood vessels around his eyes.  He kept screaming at the doctor saying “I DON’T LIKE YOU!”  Luckily the entire event was over in just a few short minutes.  Then he seemed to be fine and I brought him back to work with me.  Just another time to add to the list of times I wish I could just be home with my kids.  He was excited however to just be able to be with me.

Moving on now to Saturday.  We had two birthday parties that we were supossed to go to.  One for a friend from school and one for a friend of ours, daughter.  He/we just knew he couldn’t do both.  We chose his friend from school, since he would know more people there.  It was a really cute party that “C’s” parents put together.  His mom must have spent a ton of time on Pinterest getting ideas on fall outdoor games for toddlers.  Not to mention all of the time spent building, making, and setting up all of these activities.  There were about 10 other boys, all 2-4 years old, and maybe 2 girls same ages.

Oh for the love of holy hell, these boys just stomped on, threw, and broke every piece to every game that was made with such care and love.  It was like a train wreck in action! I could just see “C’s” mom’s face sadden by each piece that was getting crumbled.  All of her high hopes and hard work just shattered in nearly minutes.  I felt her pain, and my little asshole was joining in on all this fun too.  I felt so bad and apologized over and over but also kept trying to make light of it, which I’m sure really wasn’t helping.  The 2 hour party felt like an eternity, because of everyone’s wild and crazy kids!  I will bet “C’s” parents will never do that again!

When we get home the fun  torture of nap time begins.  Travis is fighting and crying he doesn’t want to take a nap, but man does he need one.  It got so bad of him just not listening to me, and me losing all control, then this happened… Travis decides to literally rip off his pants and underwear while standing on our leather sofa, yelling at me that he is not tired.  Then and this is where the unthinkable happens, he pees all over the sofa.  While I’m on the verge of tears I’m thinking, you have got to be f-ing kidding me, he did not just do that.  Well that’s not all folks… As I am getting a disinfectant cleaner that is safe for leather, he yells to me, “And I’m going to poop too!” large-1464364221-175-according-to-science-you-ve-probably-been-pooping-wrong-your-whole-life Yes, yes, he did.  He took a big old shit on the sofa!  OMG I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!  Seriously who’s asshole toddler does this?  Is this really happening?  All I can think about aside from killing him, is what the hell am I doing wrong?  Why is he such a bad boy?  I am almost 40 and this is the biggest F-you I have ever gotten from anyone in my life!  C’mon even my dog has never shit on my sofa… My husband knew he had to step in at this point.  He took Travis to get him cleaned up, and brought him outside.  I locked all the doors so no one could come in, while I took a breather and cleaned up the S-H-I-T!

There was another incident on Sunday with both boys.  All I will say is that our kitchen looked like we had a flood, water everywhere!  The boys seemed to enjoy their 2 minutes at the kitchen sink! emoji

Who knows, someday I might be able to laugh about this.  That day has not come yet!  Until then, I think mommy needs a time out!

 I am truly wondering if it’s because I’m such a bad parent that my kids do such terrible things or is this truly “normal”?   I would love to hear some of your awful moments in parenting.  Misery enjoys company, so please tell me, has your kid ever been an asshole, and if so how?

5 comments

  1. Someday you will certainly laugh about it, cringe a little, but laugh 😊 These will become your war stories, you can regale people with your tales of survival (and you will survive). The best part is, you can torture your children with them too❣️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are awful days and then not so awful days of raising kids. You had some awful days this weekend. It happened to all of us. While my son never soiled the couch on purpose, I have a friend whose son does this when he’s angry.

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  3. Holy Hell. Haha my face throughout this post ran the gamut on emotions – laughing, crying, shock, anger, back to laughing…wow. Good on you for not just leaving them and going to the bars. Yikes.

    Like

  4. Oh, man, I’m sending this one to my daughter to prepare her for the days ahead! She wanted WHITE FABRIC chairs in the living room. You know those naive pre-parent days of thinking, “I’ll just tell the children they are not allowed on those chairs.” Uh, yeah….

    Like

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