Today my boys won!
At what, you ask. Not soccer, not a cute little Halloween costume contest, and not the lottery. Today, they beat me. They beat me down to tears (a few times). They had me feeling like I just wanted to give up. I yelled, hell, I even screamed!
I sent them to time out, Travis even got a spanking on his bum. I had lost all control. They were so terribly behaved I just wanted quit, take a time out myself.
I feel like a terrible mother. I do not handle their tantrums, outbursts, or hurting each, other well at all. It frustrates me beyond words. They seem to be running the show and it’s not pretty.
I feel overwhelmed with the demands of every day things. The packed lunches, getting them dressed, bath time is a nightmare, laundry, bedtime. I feel terrible saying it, but they can sometimes ruin what should be a nice bonding moment. They are simply out of control!
Travis (3) is testing, more like pushing, no actually, like shitting all over the rules and boundaries. I’m at a loss of how to get him under control. He cries and whines and now says fuck (which he finds hysterical) to the point of pushing me over the edge.
Christopher (2) now follows everything Travis does. Today he smacked me in the face twice and picked up a pen from the counter (which he climbed up on) on threw it at my face, and hit me directly on my glasses.
This is such terrible behavior!
Is this a phase? Am I doing something/everything wrong as a mom? Is this my fault they are acting this way? Why do I not know how to get through to them? Am I creating asshole adults? Why are they acting like this? I don’t think I can deal with this! They are making me absolutely crazy, sad, and feeling a huge sense of guilt.
I can’t just throw in the towel, nor do I want to. However, living, feeling this way, is torture. I just want a happy home with happy kids. I do not want to fail them.
I will try to be better tomorrow. I will try to have more patience. I will try not to yell. I will try to guide them more, and punish less. I will try to win! When I am winning, we are all winning. I will try harder to be a better mom.
Today they won. Hopefully this will be their last.
Anyone else have these kinds of days?
How do you come back from such a tough loss?