Today They Won

Today my boys won! 

At what, you ask.  Not soccer, not a cute little Halloween costume contest, and not the lottery. Today, they beat me. They beat me down to tears (a few times).  They had me feeling like I just wanted to give up.  I yelled, hell, I even screamed!  

I sent them to time out, Travis even got a spanking on his bum.  I had lost all control. They were so terribly behaved I just wanted quit, take a time out myself.  

I feel like a terrible mother.  I do not handle their tantrums, outbursts, or hurting each, other well at all.  It frustrates me beyond words. They seem to be running the show and it’s not pretty.  

I feel overwhelmed with the demands of every day things.  The packed lunches, getting them dressed, bath time is a nightmare, laundry, bedtime.  I feel terrible saying it, but they can sometimes ruin what should be a nice bonding moment. They are simply out of control!  

Travis (3) is testing, more like pushing, no actually, like shitting all over the rules and boundaries.  I’m at a loss of how to get him under control. He cries and whines and now says fuck (which he finds hysterical) to the point of pushing me over the edge. 

Christopher (2) now follows everything Travis does.  Today he smacked me in the face twice and picked up a pen from the counter (which he climbed up on) on threw it at my face, and hit me directly on my glasses.  

This is such terrible behavior! 

Is this a phase?  Am I doing something/everything wrong as a mom?  Is this my fault they are acting this way?  Why do I not know how to get through to them?  Am I creating asshole adults?  Why are they acting like this?  I don’t think I can deal with this!  They are making me absolutely crazy, sad, and feeling a huge sense of guilt. 

I can’t just throw in the towel, nor do I want to. However, living, feeling this way, is torture.  I just want a happy home with happy kids.  I do not want to fail them.  

I will try to be better tomorrow.  I will try to have more patience.  I will try not to yell.  I will try to guide them more, and punish less. I will try to win!  When I am winning, we are all winning. I will try harder to be a better mom. 

Today they won. Hopefully this will be their last. 

Anyone else have these kinds of days?

How do you come back from such a tough loss?

13 comments

  1. All my children were the worst at 3 years old. Now 3 year old twins at this age is proving very difficult. I took them away for a few days by myself, then realizing why my husband is such an asshole all the time since he’s home with them 24-7. I thought I was going to lose my shit on day 3!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As you know, I also have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. They’re great, amazing kids, but they can still be really difficult. It’s so normal for this age group and when you have two going at once, there is not enough of you to deal with it! So it is hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. WOW! your post was spot on to the way I felt a few days ago! I have 3 boys, twins who will be 3 and a older son that will be 5 soon. MAN I really lost my shit and felt so horrible I cried to husband who only told me that I spoil them and I need to be consistent. SMH! So thanks for letting me know I was not alone. Hope you have had better days since. I remind myself often that there is no such thing as super mom!

    Like

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