Toddler Life

If you have a friend or family member with a toddler (especially a threenager) be extra nice to them.  They could very well be on the verge of a melt down.  They have a, pint size, little shit stirrer at home, that dictates their life.

For parents of toddlers, the daily struggle is real!  If they have made it to work, or out to meet you, or even just got out of the house that day, they deserve a huge congratulations and probably need a hug and booze.

On any given day, they have experienced being yelled at for not getting the right colored sippy cup for their “little angels” juice.  Or even worse mom/dad put the wrong kind of juice in the cup.  Hell hath no fury like a toddler with the wrong kind of juice and in the wrong colored cup, which both happened to be their “favorite” yesterday.

The said parent has already done 9,854 steps just trying to get their toddler dressed in the morning.  It’s a game of cat and mouse.  Just like the old cartoons, the parent has been outsmarted by the mouse and probably ran into a wall, then sees stars. tom-and-jerry-stars Let’s not forget that the toddler argued about every shirt, pair of pants/shorts, and socks they would be wearing that day.  Sometimes a good old pair of rainboots just goes awesome with a t-shirt and shorts.  Or in Travis’ case he loves a jammie shirt, diaper, work boots, and his bike helmet!

He’s is ready to go, like go out of the house!  Oy Vey!

The parent has attempted to make a delicious and nutritious breakfast.  Nothing fancy, some sliced strawberries, yogurt and toast.  As you give the plate of this yummy breakfast to a toddler, get ready for the backlash… “Why are my strawberries not cut?”  Said parent cuts strawberries.  Toddler screams: “Why are my strawberries not big anymore?”  Shift focus to the toast.  Look at that yummy toast.  “Why do I have 2 pieces?”  ” I only want 1 piece (screaming loudly)!”  One piece gets removed.  “That is MINE, give it back!” “Yogurt?  I don’t want yogurt, I want pudding!”

You jump through every hoop they give you and then you get: “I’m not hungry, I don’t want it!”



These toddlers also rule the television of the house.  Mom and dads will know all the words and songs to their little tyrants tv shows.  They will walk around humming or singing them without even realizing.  Parents of a toddler probably haven’t seen “grown up” tv for some time.  Current events or the weather… Unless it is on during an episode of Paw Patrol or Peppa Pig, no one is seeing it.

Bedtime!  At lunchtime said parent starts to dread bedtime.  How many tries will it take until I can this toddler to sleep?  Toddlers are an endless supply of energy.  They do get tired, extremely tired (which they will never admit), which in turn makes them miserable, cranky, irritable, and just a plain old disaster to deal with.  The parent will never pick the right jammies or time to put them on, and it just goes downhill from there.  Toddler wants to read a book, or 10.  Wants to watch one more show, because the constant streaming all day and night just hasn’t been enough.  They are thirsty, but never for anything you offer them before bed.  They are hungry, well yeah they actually probably are, because they only ate an Oreo at dinner time and refused everything else.  However right now they will never eat what you will give them.  Brushing their teeth is like trying to catch Tazmanian Devil!


After about 27 attempts to get them to sleep, it works!  Hallelujah!!!!  Then bedtime for the parents as well.  Then about 2 hours after sleeping soundly you hear their little voice asking to come sleep with you.  Sounds sweet doesn’t it…

What you envision


Well between all of the kicks, punches, blanket stealing, room on the bed stealing, head butting, scratching, hair pulling, oxygen stealer and farts, this is what it is really like:

What really happens





So again, if you run into a parent of a toddler, give them a smile (at least, or a case of wine would be acceptable too) it could be the only one they get all day.



  1. Soooo funny and so true! I remember having a shouting match with my 6-year-old daughter over the rules of the Lady Lovelylocks game because she was cheating and it WASN’T FAIR! If it makes you feel any better, my friend once let her little girl wear a leopard print bathing suit top, a wool plaid skirt and white cowboy boots out to dinner because the tantrum wasn’t worth the fight.


  2. Ah the toddler phase; I remember it well. The key is to go easy on yourself and them and remember it won’t last forever and they’ll be grown up. Time outs for everyone and try to enjoy the good bits! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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