20+ Years From Now…
You’re both grown up now. I look back and think of all the amazing times I had being your mom. You made me proud, happy, and at times, crazy. I am writing this now (Travis you are almost 3 and Christopher almost 2) because I know what kind of mom I want to be to you. I will stash this away in each of your memory boxes, for you to read when you’re adults.
First I am sorry. I made many mistakes along the way. I am not a perfect mom. I hope you know in your heart that I did my very best, tried my very hardest, to do things the “right way”. Everyone fails at times, I hope I showed you that when you do fail, you need to get back up, brush yourself off, and learn from it.
Most importantly though, do not beat yourself up over your mistakes, let go, move on, and let it be a lesson. If you never fail it means you never tried.
I tried my very best to provide and teach you love, compassion, and empathy. I always wanted home to feel safe and comfortable. A place where you always feel at ease, secure, and most of all loved unconditionally. A place where all your worries from the day could just be forgotten, even if for only a little while. I want to have an open line of communication. You could tell me anything, good, bad, or if you might even get into trouble for it. Openness and honesty are some of the best traits a man can have, I wanted you both to posses these traits. A mans word should really mean something, not just be empty words. How a man stands behind his words can define what kind of man he is.
My hope was to teach you how to treat women. I wanted both of you to believe chivalry is not dead. Showing a woman you care for her and think about her every day is important. Your actions need to match your words. Never play with anyones emotions, ever. Be honest, or don’t “be” at all. I taught you to open doors for the ladies, speak kindly, and don’t be afraid to give affection and show emotions. Treat her the same around your friends as you do alone. Be nice, and respectful, always. Buy or pick her flowers, just because. All those flowers I always got, I bought them, but wanted you to think your father got them for me so you would see how simple flowers could put a smile on someone’s face. I may have daughter in law someday and I want her to adore the man you are. I want her to feel lucky that she got one of the few good ones left. She might even be the mother to my grandchildren, you better do everything in your power to always show her love and respect!
Let’s address all the times I wasn’t fair or you maybe even felt like you hated me… Good!!! I’m happy you felt that way. It means I was doing my job being your mom. I did not always give you what you wanted. I didn’t always let you do the same things the other kids were doing (they weren’t my kids, I didn’t care what their parents let them do). I held you to my own standard. I will always be your mother first and your friend second. You will have plenty of friends in this lifetime (many of which, will come and go) you will only have one mother! I taught you lessons and made you understand that little voice inside. If it is telling you not to do something, listen to it. I told you no, many times, and you were pissed. O’well, I made these decisions because I was the parent and you were the child. I have always known more than you, even though there were times you would disagree. I made the rules, if you broke them, you were made to deal with the circumstances. I made you be independent, and self sufficient. There were times when I saved your butt, like you forgot your book report and I had to bring it to the school. However there were many more that I didn’t! Do you understand why now? Yes to teach you responsibility. At some point you need to be held accountable, you will not always have someone saving you, nor should they. You need to be responsible, if it is your job to get something done, then you do it. You didn’t understand why I made you do things ahead of time. You knew you had plenty of time to get XY&Z but I didn’t let you play until it was done. Well because procrastination drives everyone crazy, and you never learn to be fully prepared.
Time…Being on time is a major respect issue with me. You were late for curfew, yup you got in trouble. Didn’t matter if it was only 5 minutes, you need to understand and respect people’s time as well as expectations. In the real world you can not be late to everything, especially work. I was teaching you responsibility and good work ethic. So again, sorry, not sorry, for all those times you got pissed and just didn’t get it. I got it, and knew someday you would eventually get it too.
With all of these lessons I tried to teach you my hopes were to make you the best man you are capable of being. A man that is respected, loved, and can hold his head high. I love you both with every fiber of my body and my wish has always been for you to have a happy, healthy, fulfilled life! XoXo