It isn’t what you expected, is it? It wasn’t for me either! It isn’t for most moms, so don’t be ashamed of some of the feelings you might be having. Or maybe some feelings you expected to have and just don’t yet. You might be questioning yourself; what did I do? Why did I do this? What Do I do now? Everyone says it gets better, well when the hell does that happen, tomorrow? No not likely tomorrow, but it will! The days are long, the nights are longer. I can assure you when everyday feels like an eternity, soon, you will look back and it will seem like you blinked.
When you are expecting (usually) everyone seems happy and excited for you. If the pregnancy did wear you down completely, you get excited too, with all of the planning, decorating, and shopping. Everyone around you makes it seem as though having that new baby at home is the most amazing time in your life. Did they forget what having a newborn is like? Or are they just straight up liars? I can remember family members coming to visit and of course you hear “oh how precious, I just want to steal him!” My response, “please, please steal him, and we can talk about you bringing him back once he sleeps through the night.” Having a newborn is a blessing yes, but damn it is hard work!
Once you saw your precious baby’s face, did you think; wow my husband (boyfriend/significant other…) and I created this amazing little human. Yes me too! I felt a love for my husband like I never had before. I didn’t understand how people who had children together could get divorced. That amazing feeling is so powerful! I tell new moms to hold on to that feeling for as long as you can. Typically it only lasts 24 hours. Then when the baby comes home and a few weeks with no sleep, you completely understand divorce. I wanted to divorce my husband countless times during the first 18 +/- months of our sons life. You have expectations that all things baby, will be conquered 50/50. Sorry to say that percentage is way off. To the minority of dads that go well above and beyond, great job, keep up the good work! However most moms feel like everything has become their responsibility, their worry, and that their husbands should be helping much more.
Your “precious” little one has a poopy diaper that even the neighbors can smell. Does dad jump up to change it, or do you need to ask him? Bath time, yup moms seem to be the only people that can put warm water in a baby tub, and use soap.
I feel I would get more stressed out not because of all the things baby needed, but how was I the only one that realized what needed to be done! Like hello… I know you can smell that poop too, just please handle that shit so I don’t have to ask you to in a miserable tone, and you give me attitude back. We could save a lot of tears and arguments if you would please step up and just do what needs to be done, without me asking/telling you to. I have one baby, you (husband) can stop acting like one any time now.
You will probably get mad at your husband for going to work. Yes, you know rationally he needs to work, but you resent that he gets to go on his merry way to a job where he sees other adults, he can eat his lunch, and he doesn’t have to hear a crying baby all day long. Going to a job outside of the house seemed like a vacation, I was jealous, depressed, and overwhelmed. I would often wish I was going to work. I cried, I cried a lot!
Then for me, when baby #1 was around 8-9 months old (yes if you have a newborn you probably just cringed to hear 8-9 months) things started getting easier. I had a tiny bit of a routine (which is exceptionally hard to do, no matter how many articles you read). Baby #1 was also starting to be way more expressive, fun, and interacting a lot more. I began to enjoy my time with him more. It is still a ton of work but I was getting more back. My bond with him was much stronger.
Even though you may not believe it will get better and easier, it will. I know you might wish it was going to happen tomorrow, because another day of the same thing just might push you over the edge. I’m sorry, it won’t be tomorrow, but it will be soon. Every day is one step closer, you will get there, I promise! Until then, take time outs that is essential. If you have anyone that offers to help (who actually means it) take them up on it. Have them come over just to watch the baby so you can nap. Ask someone to come over to visit and ask them to bring dinner and wine! Reach out, ask for help, you will feel like a better mom if you can have some “me time”. Then who knows, you might even start thinking about baby #2. My boys are 15 months apart, yikes!