Please watch this link below after reading my post. Get a tissue!
It was only 2.9 years ago that I was a new mom. I had a ton of experience with children, mostly because my two sisters are 12, and 15 years younger than me. So when I was a teenager I was always around babies/toddlers and kind of thought I knew all there was to know. Wow was I wrong!
Let me start with pregnancy first. No one should ever compare pregnancies. It is great to share experiences (when asked), but you never want to be that “one upper”. Pregnancy for me was fairly easy (please don’t hate me if you had 9 months of morning sickness, or leg cramps). I had my issues because I was over 35, but nothing really to complain about, they were pretty serious risks, however, thankfully the issues never became a huge medical emergency. Plus given the fact that each of my boys came 3 weeks early, that leaves those last few weeks, that are really the hardest, that I didn’t get the joys of experiencing. However when you are pregnant and you might have a complaint, or an issue, you really just want someone to listen, to understand, not to then go on and on about themselves, or better yet say “well they didn’t do things like that when I was pregnant and my kids are just fine. Just sssshhhhh, listen no need for obnoxious comments.
Also advice… Unless pregnant woman asks for your advice, please just keep it to yourself. I mean right, who wants to hear from someone who was pregnant 30 years ago, or someone who says “I just loved being pregnant”. Sometimes a pregnant woman just wants to bitch, let her, she is creating another human being in her womb!
Now the baby is here and you are uncomfortable (especially with a C-section), exhausted, and have seen everyone you know in your hospital room, this is your time to shine father of the baby! Step up. Tell mom she can rest and you will do everything the baby needs while she gets some sleep. New mommy, LET HIM! Seriously he is no better, no worse, than you are at it. Let him try, and after you get some rest, you will feel so much better. It is so important you are trying to eat, sleep, and have some quiet time. It feels like most of these things are never going to happen again, but they can. First time mommies, try to let anyone (you love and trust) help you as much as they are willing. If your sister in law offers to come over so you can nap, do it! Someone offers to bring dinner to you, do some laundry, or get groceries for you, let them. I always tried to be “super woman” (or control freak, depends on your point of view) and do everything myself. Well it backfired, bad! Take the help, ask for help, and take care of your needs too. Who will take care of everyone, if your not well? Mommy needs to take care of mommy too, it is so important!
Everyone lives differently. Different family dynamics, environment, income, resources. Do what works best for you and your family. Do not try to please everyone, because you never will. I am going to leave this blog with a couple of tips, just a few things I realized after baby #1. They are not world changing but it could help you in some small way. Good luck mommy, you will be doing better than you think/feel you are. Have confidence in knowing it will all be okay!
- If you receive gift cards to a famous baby store, save them until after you have had the baby. Your infant really doesn’t need that much that you, mommy, can’t provide. The gift cards come in handy later for things you had no idea you might need, or even buy formula because breast feeding didn’t work for you.
- Learn to let go a little. Trying to do it all will make you feel inadequate, and like you might not being doing a good job.
No one can do it all! No one!
- You and the baby take walks. Not running or jogging (unless you like that sort of thing). Just a nice stroll. There is something about fresh air for you and the baby that is soothing. Even for a short walk pack a diaper/wipes and a bottle, just in case. Walking seems to let your brain let off steam.
- Sleep when the bay sleeps… Oh my God if I ever had to hear that again, I think that sorry person may have just gotten a punch to the face. First of all your infant is probably only going to sleep 2-3 hours at a time. So while you lie there trying to sleep, you not only have your ears fully tuned in to, when is this baby going to start crying again (which I always heard a baby crying in my head-even when mine wasn’t crying) but you also just keep staring at the clock.
Then you start to think of everything that needs to be done. Laundry, dishes, lunch, dinner, bottles, or pumping, cleaning so the house can be presentable for all of those visitors, showering (haaaaaaaa), changing out of the puke covered clothing you’re in, changing the sheets on the bed… The thoughts go on and on, making it impossible to sleep. So like I said before, let go of some of these little things. At least rest, put your feet up a little while. Read a magazine, that interests you, like before you had this little bundle of joy!
Whether you are in a moment that is amazing to you or just plain sucks, just know that each is short lived. It is a constant roller-coaster, many ups and downs, some moments you will cherish forever, and some you can’t wait to forget. It is a hard job being mommy, and for the most part you will love most of it! Good luck mommy, I am rooting for ya!